Posted by: mbconsulting | January 1, 2012

2011 in Review – Toxic relation 

Well, in 2011 I raised a question about how to handle the “toxic” boss or colleagues and expected for an answer. I imaged that I created a new term: “toxic” boss, but surprise the term was used more before as Google quickly demonstrated.

Yes, indeed, I received an answer to my question.

In brief the message was centred on the power of change on myself. I thanks for it, it will help me a lot, but inside my mind I was not considered that is much more than these and tried to analyse.

Ok, I thought and I discovered that the issue is about a relation, and not about persons. I also try to develop a pattern to handle such relations that is drafted below.

Communicating means sending a signal, but you can;t always control the receiver and the way the message is decoded. Sometimes decoding depends on the level of education, sometimes is related with the cultural issues, but all these are related to the other person – the person to whom you address.

So, for a better relation among two persons or two groups I developed a process in three steps:

1. Improve your behaviour – transform yourself.

This is a long process, is continuously, and suppose that is never-ending. But is under your control and maybe manageable according to you. Great, but is not enough! You maybe the star, the best person on the world and …

It is almost in probable that perfect person could have any connection with me, because I am imperfect, perfectible, but not looking for perfections.

2. Know better your “receiver” – let’s call like this your colleague or your boss.

I would recommend the following soft step: figure from her/his body language, tones, attitudes, previous experiences how could react to your message and improve/adapt it to your receiver.

Be aware that in a fast-moving environment, a bad relation is a waste of time and maybe a lost of business opportunities.

As the earlier step, this one is also continuously, never-ending, especially when you may face stubborn blocking “receiver” – of course, personal issues are more important than interests in a common businesses, didn’t you know it?

If you face the Latino world the personal interests are most important element, so be aware  about it, and treat your “receiver” with deep courtesy.

3. Influence your dear “toxic” receiver!

Well, if there are not relevant results under the first two steps, you must develop the hard step: use carrots – money, awards, prizes –  or sticks – punishment, penalties- as you may find properly. This step does not exclude the confrontations, hard talks and/or debates. And after all, after all efforts it may come to a fair good end or not!

There is not a specific answer on how to transform a toxic relation.

Transformation of a relation is an art and it is really depending on a case by case how each relation is changed, because in fact, we are not discussion about persons, we discuss about connections among people. Sometimes is more important the value of X or Y may be fabulous, but mixing X with Y may produce a chaos.

It is also important to mention that people who liked themselves are more likely to work together, but, in time their results go down, for sure. There are not creative contradiction to stimulate the creation and development. It is a relation like a Dead Sea.

It is also important to mention that are situations when in spite of a step by step process, the relation is still a toxic one: one person/group maybe stubborn and incapable to react to the other. And then, without regrets, leave the relation and look in other direction for a better opportunity. Easy to say, difficult to do, but not an impossible mission.

Waiting for your responses and, why not, let’s debate about possible processes that may end with a good resolution among a toxic relation.

Hope that my post was not enough boring and did not fall on sleep therefore,

I would like to wish you a Happy New Year with passion and hope into your heart!

Sincerely,

Mbconsulting

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